Revelation Rhymes with Vacation

Chimes Newsletter PDF File


You can always tell when Jack is getting ready to go on vacation. He gets a little flakey around the edges. You catch him staring off into space. He begins to seem some-what distant. You can also tell when he is going on vacation, but in fact, really NEEDS!!!!! a vacation. He begins to babble and dream strange dreams and see visions and literally come off the wall. It doesn’t help that our movies right now are all about the end of the world. “The man of steel is apocalyptic, but not as much as World War Z, where zombies are taking over the world. Sometimes I think that that is what Jack has become and then we know he needs a vacation.

And then there is the movie “This is the End” with Seth Rogan and all of his buddies duking it out with apocalyptic demons at the end of the world. And then a member starts talking to Jack about the book of Revelation and things really begin to get strange. This is where we find Jack as he begins to babble and dream strange dreams and sees visions and literally comes off the wall, such as in the following:

Jack was sitting reading that familiar passage in Isaiah “In the year that King Uz-ziah died I saw the Lord. . .” Isaiah 6:1-13, and began to drift off into sleep and dream state and there he sat. He was sitting behind a huge mahogany desk. A giant of a man, with a large greyish-white beard and smoking a pipe. It was obvious to Jack that this was not somebody you messed around with.

His eyes were steely blue, though not quite those of a New York banker, for there was a hint of compassion in them. Standing beside him was a younger man, but still very impressive and a striking family resemblance. He appeared to be a lawyer type, but was able to appear honest in spite of his occupational type (nightmare or daydream?). He ap-peared to be able to defend anybody in any court.

On the other side of the desk near Jack was a guy who looked like a Mafia hit man dressed in white and who drank milk. No wings, though. Strange, Jack thought, I always thought they had wings. Without a space suit, too. Anyway, there Jack stood and God, like all great Beings came right to the point. “This is 2013 and soon it will be time for the end – you know – the Day of judgment – the book of Revelation – four horse-man, dripping blood, Armageddon and all that. I need to wake a few people up or it may be real lonely around here.”

“Okay, Pitzer, take a seat.” God said. “Gabe, get the man a brandy, will you?” Gabriel brought Jack a brandy that said “Captain Morgan Vineyards” and the year on the bottle was 1843. Jack didn’t bother to mention that there was no brandy in the world that old, let alone from Captain Morgan. Jack took a sip and it tasted great, and he knew they really lived (he guessed that is what they would call it) up here in heaven.

“The problem is that not many people really believe in Me anymore, so I can’t handle the end of the world by Myself anymore. I need help.” God looked at Jack with those steely eyes and blew a square smoke circle, if you can call a square a circle.

“You see, I need help, and that is why I am granting personal inter-views to some of my people.” He leaned over the desk with a glint in his eye, “If you know what I mean.” Jack knew exactly what he meant. He stood up and said, “Okay, interview over – so shake the people up and bring them to their senses.” Jack bowed and got up to leave.

As Jack was leaving he heard God say, “Get me Seth Rogan and Brad Pitt. We need to wake up a couple of the opposition to the fact of my dis-pleasure.” The angel Gabriel asked, “Dead or alive?” God said, “Alive, you idiot! We need to make a couple of movies about Armageddon and the Apocalypse which might just wake up a larger group of people.” Gabriel stat-ed, “Personally, I would get Spielberg and Lucas. They seem to really pack in the crowds when they make movies.”

God raised his eyebrows and said, “I know, but if we get a couple of the world’s fools to do movies, we might just sneak up on a few of the more ‘Worldly crowd’, if you know what I mean.”

Jack left quietly not wishing to disturb anyone.

See you in a few weeks if the world is still here. . . . . . Jack


You’ve been seeing “Don’t forget the Building Fund!” in the bul-letin. You may have mademoneyhouse that pledge a few years ago – have you been keeping the promise? You may not have made a pledge or may-be you joined the church after the Building Fund pledge campaign – your contributions to the Building Fund are still vital! The Building Fund pays the mortgage – that’s it. It pays the mortgage – principal and interest, every month. And just like your mortgage at home – it comes due EVERY MONTH!!

Although we think of the summer months as time for laidback vacations, picnics & beaches, car rides & camping; Soy Capital Bank & Trust does not take a vacation from collecting our mortgage payment!

Please give generously to the Building Fund!


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